On Day Four
by OuroborosSnyder
Summary: On Day Four she finally went to him. Another "Untethered" fic, though not nearly as long as the last. More info inside. Rated T. "I accepted the fact that I was going to die in there and there was nothing I could do about it." Now COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** On Day Four.

**Show:** LOCI

**Pairing:** BA, but I don't think it's too offensive for those of you on the USS No-Romance. Yeah, I know someone else used that term before, but it was just too awesome to pass up! LOL Anyway, you read and decide. Me? I see it as shippy!!!

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Rating:** T for language. Some angst as usually along with a few other genres, but no worries, happy ending ensured (or as happy as Bobby Goren can be anyway).

**Spoilers:** "Untethered," so if you haven't seen it, don't read.

**Authors Note:** Ok, so I just saw "Untethered" on TV for the second time in two nights. After that I just _had _to write another Untethered-centric fic! Give me a break. I'm obsessed with the episode! LOL If it wasn't for that episode, I would've never gotten into LOCI. Yeah, I know. There are a lot of people out there that didn't like the episode, but I did…and do!!!  
Anyway, this one won't be too long because I decided to not make it as detailed as some of my other fics (smiles). Just enough to satisfy my mind.

**Summary:** Um, I don't do so well at summaries, but just pretend that the last episode you saw was "Untethered" and no others. This takes place four days after we saw Bobby standing in the middle of Times Square (hints the title).

**CHAPTER: 1**

Alex found herself knocking on her partner's apartment door.

_Robert Goren's door. _

It was now day four. It had been four fucking days. Four fucking days since she had last seen Bobby and four fucking days since she had last spoken to him. It was driving her insane.

As she knocked on the door for the second time, Alex recalled the last time she had seen him; he was striding out of the meeting with the Chief of D's and Ross, and towards his desk. She watched him intently as he cleaned out his desk as quickly and as quietly as possible. She could tell by his movements that he didn't think he was ever coming back. She saw it all in his body language. He spoke so many words and emotions to her, not with his mouth, but with his body language. Words radiated off of him with his body language alone that there was no need for him to say anything.

It was a gift of his, and yet, a curse at the same time.

In those few moments while he cleaned out his desk, Bobby desperately wanted to speak to Alex, but he couldn't. There was no need to. He knew there was no need for him to look up at Alex and tell her that he had been suspended. Unfortunately, it was inevitable. Truthfully, he couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment in her eyes. He knew that alone would kill him.

Alex, however, remembered the look she gave him and how she felt at the time. She was concerned for him and his welfare. So many thoughts had run through her mind in those few minutes that she felt as though her mind was going to explode. She undeniably won't forget the look he had on his face as he walked out of the squad room. It was the one and only time he allowed himself to lock eyes with hers. He chanced a small, quick glance her way before he left the squad room. It was almost as if, as if he was saying goodbye to her. It wasn't a very long look, but it was just enough; just enough for him to take her in one last time, because he _knew _he'd never see her again. She surely had no reason to see him ever again. He had truly fucked it up this time. When he turned away from her, it looked as if someone had sucked the life out of him.

Not somebody but someplace.

_Tates._

Alex had called him, on many occasions in fact, but he never answered her calls. She even left messages: 'Bobby, it's me. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Call me when you get a chance.' After the third day she started to get anxious and became desperate in the messages she left him: 'Bobby, please call me. I just want to know that you're ok. Please. You don't have to talk to me…I just…' and then she'd hang up.

Not once did Bobby call her back. No one at the Major Case had heard from him either. No surprise to Alex. Ross hadn't heard from him either but let it slip when Alex confronted him in his office about Detective Goren that he still hadn't been to psych services. It was then that she made her decision to _finally _go over to his place.

That statement from Ross alone made her feel like she had just been kicked in the gut.

_Is he truly giving up? Does he even care about his job anymore? What is his emotional state right now? Is he taking care of himself? Does he even care about himself anymore? _

She wasn't sure why she had waited so long in the first place. She knew he needed his space, but it had been long enough.

She needed to talk to him and now here she was, standing in front of his door. As her knocked became more urgent, she couldn't help but wonder if he was even still alive.

"Bobby? Bobby, it's me, Alex. Please open the door." And as she said the words out loud, she felt as if she was leaving him another message; one she figured that she herself would only hear.

She tried a couple more times with a few desperate pleas, but he never came to the door. In fact, Alex didn't hear any movement on the other side of the door and that scared her.

She remembered the key Bobby had given her early into their partnership. A smile briefly formed on her lips as she remembered back, years ago how shy he was about giving it to her and how he began to stammer when he tried to explain himself. She remembered smiling at him as he continued on murmuring about how it was for emergencies. Her smiled quickly faded, however, when she remember why she was here; standing in front of his door. Though Bobby never really specified what he deemed an emergency, Alex definitely deemed this one of them.

Briskly she unlocked his front door and stepped into the apartment. When she shut his door and locked it, she turned around and took one step into his apartment and froze.

The room smelled almost musky-like. There was no scent that _any _food had been cooked recently or any coffee made like he usually had. She darted her glance towards the kitchen only to confirm her suspicions. Surprisingly enough, his kitchen was immaculate. Any dishes that he might've used within the past few days were all put away. It had definitely shocked Alex. It was the last thing she expected. Truthfully, she expected his place to be a warzone, but it was nothing of the kind. As she made her way towards his living room, she found it to be unoccupied as well. As she became more restless, she chewed on her lower lip while contemplating her next move. Turning her head slightly to the left, she decided to try his bedroom. As she walked down the hallway and towards her destination, she immediately noticed that the door was closed.

_He must be in there…I hope._

Alex called to him a couple of times to give him time if he needed to cover up, but she received no response once again. Without hesitation, she opened the door, thanking the gods above that it wasn't locked, and pushed her way through the threshold of his dimly lit bedroom. The only light source in his bedroom was the daylight coming through the small window in the corner of the room. She rationalized that in a couple hours it would be dark and what little light was in the room, would be gone.

As she walked further into his room her eyes immediately glanced towards his bed, which she found to be empty. She frowned and blinked a few times to clear her eyes to make sure, but he was definitely not in bed.

_It'd be hard to miss him if he was in his bed. _She rationalized. _But where could he be?_

It was then that she noticed something relatively large moving slightly in the shadows in the corner of the room on the floor. It would've been hard to tell for most people, but Alex knew immediately who it was. She knew that form, from_ that_ outline who it was.

_Bobby._

She couldn't stop her jaw as it slightly lowered in shock. He was definitely not ok and as she examined him further, she could see his large frame start to tremble.

_Or maybe he was trembling before I entered the room?_ She wasn't entirely sure. _Am I scaring him? Does he even recognize that I'm in the room with him? I'd better be cautious in dealing with this after everything he's been through recently._

"Bobby?" She said and slowly started to walk around his bed towards him. "Bobby, it's me, Alex." She paused and waited for him to say something. "Bobby, can you hear me?" She tried again as she strode the last few feet across the room. She stopped mere inches from him and waited for a response.

Alex bent down and decided to take a chance and reach out to him. She gently placed a hand on his right shoulder and immediately felt his entire body tighten up; every last muscle in his body clenching. She immediately retracted her hand away from him and that's when she heard him murmur.

"Please…don't…don't hurt me. Please. I...I'm sor…sorry."

_Oh my god._

**A/N: First off, hey guys! (Waves). Hope everyone is enjoying the Holidays.**

**So I didn't plan on posting this until well after the New Year. My how things change, right? I believe the rest of the story is pretty much done, I just need to proof read and change a few things around. So it's close to being done in other words. I plan on having 3 chapters in this story. Nothing too long. I'll post the next chapter within the next day or so if you guys like this. Let me know either way. As always, please read and review.**

**-Snyder-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Note:** No Beta Used Throughout The Story.

**CHAPTER: 2**

Bobby sounded so desperate, so empty, so lost. He sounded like a little child and that worried her. Alex couldn't ever recalling Bobby, the 6'4" man that he was, sounding so small. He was pleading with the person that was in the room with him; in reality, he was pleading with Alex. Bobby didn't want to hurt anymore and he didn't want to _be _hurt anymore.

_I just want to be left alone. _

Or so he thought.

Bobby didn't realize that it was Alex that was in the room with him. He thought for sure it was another one of his cruel delusions; perhaps one of his hallucinations where he'd reach out for her, only for her to turn into something horrible; a monster or even worse, one of his demons.

"Bobby. Bobby, look at me." She desperately pleaded with him. She'd never seen him so shattered.

Alex realized that when he entered Tates, the correctional facility would test his sanity, and as she looked down at him, she doesn't think he passed the test.

_God, why did he have to go in there? This can't be happening. Not to this man. He's so kind and gentle…_

Bobby was still frozen in the same position he was in when Alex had first entered the room. His entire body was leaning up in the corner, his left side pressed against one wall, and his back against the other. He was curled up in a ball as much as his large frame would allow. His knees were awkwardly pulled up to his chest, his arms across his knees with his hands hidden, and his head buried in them.

She had yet to see his face.

She tried again. "Bobby. Please. I'm begging you. Please look at me."

_Oh god, should I? Is this just another trick? Is this just another cruel, sick joke my mind is playing on me? I don't know what's real and fake anymore. I'm so afraid to look up. What if it's not her? But even more so, what if it is? God, let her help me._

Slowly Bobby glanced up only to be looking directly into Alex's eyes. She was less than a foot away from him. He felt himself shudder at the thought of her here with him. She held a look of worry in her eyes and didn't make any attempt to hide it from him. Bobby thought, even in the dimly lit room, that he could see tears forming in her eyes. She slowly closed her eyes and prayed for him and that's when Bobby darted his head back down into his arms.

"Bobby. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." She soothing murmured. "Please look back up into my eyes." She said and once again placed a hand on his shoulder.

This was the first time that Alex was conscious of the clothing he wore. He was clothed in only a plain black t-shirt and a pair of dark blue boxers. It was also the first time she had gotten a good look at his marred wrists. They were somewhat exposed to her now that he shifted slightly and she winced because of it. It looked painful to Alex and she couldn't bear the thought of what happened to him in there, and even more so, what would've happened if she didn't show up with Ross when she did. She knew she couldn't think _those _thoughts right now. She needed to help him.

Alex felt him tense up again when she placed a hand on his shoulder, but not nearly as much as the first time. When he didn't look up, she knew she had to try a new approach. She thought for a moment and then began to speak.

"I thought you knew me, Bobby." She said and when she didn't get a response, she went for a homerun with her next question, "Bobby, do you really think _I'd_ hurt you?" She put emphasis on the word 'I'd.' "I'd never—"

"No!" He wailed before she had a chance to finish her sentence. His head shot up out of his lap and his form tightened. He started to become disoriented and almost panic-like.

She instantly felt bad.

_Damn._

"Easy, Bobby. Take it easy." She said, trying her best to calm him.

"E—Eames? Is it…is it really…you?" He whispered barely audible. She nodded and was about to answer him when he spoke up again. It was quiet, so quiet in fact that she had to hold her breath and lean in to completely hear him. "Please…help…please help me." He blinked and then the tears started to fall from his eyes. It was just a few tear drops, but they were still there, plain as day for her to see. Just like Alex, he didn't try to hide his feelings either. "I'm so…so lost. I can't…" And then he stopped and shivered due to both the thoughts coursing through him and the cold ground he was sitting on.

Alex froze for a split second, taking in the words he had just rendered. She couldn't _ever _recall Bobby asking _anyone _to help him. And when she looked back into his eyes, she saw how raw they were. She saw the dark circles under his eyes and couldn't help but wonder if he had slept at all since he had been home from Tates.

She very much doubted it.

"I'm here, Bobby. I'll help you." _Always. _"Can…can you get up?" She hesitantly asked as she did a brief scan up and down of his body.

He nodded only slightly, but didn't make any attempt to move. Alex stood up, looked at him, and then offered him a hand.

"I…I don't…" He mumbled to her, though he looked like he was a million miles away. This wasn't the abnormal though attentive Bobby she used to know. He was so astray. It's like the old Bobby had vanished to a place Alex didn't want to know about. The truth was, though, she feared she already knew where Bobby was at.

_Hell._

"What is it, Bobby?" She asked and kneeled back down so that she was eye level with him. She didn't want to force him to do anything he didn't want to do. She didn't want to make matters any worse than they already were.

"I…I'm…" He stuttered. "Scared." He whispered the last word in despair.

Bobby was scared, fearful of the nightmares he'd been having. Things weren't any better when he was vigilant either. When he was conscious, which was most of the time, he would have horrible, mind-altering visions and hallucinations; his mind would go into overdrive. It was a horrible feeling, the mind becoming so overactive. He tried to shake his head to rid himself of all the thoughts he was having, but it never helped. He began to hear things that didn't exist as well, and it was making him anything but sane. A body can only function for so long without sleep, and Bobby's was way past the point of functioning.

He didn't care that he had just told Alex that he was scared. He realized, not for the first time, that he needed her.

"What are you scared of, Bobby?" When he didn't answer, she hesitantly chewed on her lip and asked, "Are you having nightmares?" Almost immediately, his head shot up to look at her. He was amazed that she knew him so well. Slowly he nodded. "What are they about?" She asked, and then added, "Are they about Tates?" She whispered the last word. In truth, she was afraid to even say the word. She wouldn't doubt it if he was frightened of the place; just being in there for the brief amount of time made _her _scared of the place. She had and in fact still does have nightmares about being kidnapped. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like for him in there. She knew his insanity was tested the entire time while his _mind _became a martyr to his own reasoning's; to the horrible suffering and torture he'd succumb. In reality, he was a martyr because of his own beliefs about justice and she knew, if it came down to it, that he'd take those beliefs to the end of the line if necessary. He'd already proven that. Alex didn't know all the details of his experience, just enough for her to know he'd have problems with coping for months, if not years to come. PTSD was a sure thing to come.

After a few minutes, Bobby finally answered her. He looked up into her eyes and held her gaze. He wanted to make sure one last time that this wasn't some sick joke. That she wasn't a figment of his imagination.

"They're horrible…they're so horrible, Eames." He admitted. "I can't…I can't take it. I'm so scared…so confused…so gone. I just…." He paused and licked his bottom lip. "I can't sleep. I keep…I keep hearing things. I'm scared to even lie down on my bed because…I…I'm afraid if…when I wake up, I'll be tied down to…to the bed…like I was at Tates on the…steel table." He solemnly explained. He was so honest and yet so ashamed with himself at the same time. "I'm sorry…I—" And the stopped and hung his head.

"Easy, Bobby." She said and placed a hand on his bare knee. Bobby didn't pull away from her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Do you hear me?"

He nodded mutely.

"Have you slept since you've been home from the hospital?" She asked. She knew that probably had a lot to do with the problems he'd just listed.

He shook his head.

"I…I tried, when I got…when I first got home. I just wanted to forget it all, but I just…I couldn't. Every time I feel asleep, I'd wake up from a nightmare…" He shook his head. "I've tried everything…I just…can't. I…I can't even leave my room. I'm so tired, Eames, but I…I can't sleep. I refuse to let myself even try to sleep. I just…I'm so exhausted. I'm so…I'm so sick of it all."

"I know, Bobby. I know you're tired." She said sympathetically. "Why didn't you call me, Bobby?" She couldn't help but ask.

He didn't look at her when he answered. He couldn't look into her eyes.

"I…I've been hallucinating from…" He emitted, adding one more problem to his list of many. "I think from…" He paused and shuddered. He closed his eyes tightly as he recalled back to some of his hallucinations.

"From lack of sleep." She murmured, finishing his sentence for him.

He nodded. She understood and was thankful for it.

"I…I wasn't even sure if you had really called or not. I kept questioning things…I just…I don't know."

_I can't even believe you're here now_…

She let out a breath and didn't hesitate when she reached up with her right hand to stroke the side of his face. She couldn't stop herself. She'd wanted to do it since she arrived, and so long before that. As she stroked the side of his face, she felt his infamous five o'clock shadow. It was more of a four-day-old shadow now, somewhat soft instead of scratchy, and she couldn't help but wonder if he had even showered or eaten since he had been home.

Bobby deeply sighed and even leaned into her touch. It surprised Alex, but she didn't dare pull her hand away just yet. She knew he starved from even the smallest of physical contact with another human being.

"Bobby, have you eaten since you've been home?" He shook his head and that's when her hand fell. "Taken a shower?" She asked and got a small 'no' in response. "I tell you what, if you can get up I'll help you into the bathroom, ok? While you take a quick shower, I'll make you some soup."

He looked into her eyes again and held her gaze for a few seconds. He trusted her. He knew she wasn't going to bolt the first time he turned his back. He could only hope that she could help him through this because he knew that if anyone could, it would be Alex Eames.

"O—Ok. But…I'm not…I'm not hungry."

Alex's voice immediately softened into her mother-like tone that Bobby rarely got to hear. "Bobby, you need to eat." She exclaimed. "How about some toast then? At least it's something." Bobby nodded. "Good." She said and then stood up. "Ready?" She asked. Just like before, she offered him a hand. He gratefully accepted it and helped him up.

Slowly but surely they made their way into the bathroom. Bobby grabbed a new pair of boxers and t-shirt on the way there, figuring he should at least change into some fresh clothes.

When Alex turned to leave, Bobby softly spoke. "You will…you'll be here when I'm done?" He asked, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. He refused to make eye contact with her just in case she was going to turn him down.

"I promise." She said and then turned and shut the door.

Bobby was in the bathroom less than fifteen minutes. When he came out in a new t-shirt and boxers, he closed his eyes briefly and hoped that she would still be here. When he opened his eyes, he saw her sitting on the edge of the bed and let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.

Alex glanced up when she heard the door open and smiled at the sight of him. He didn't bother to dry his hair, not that she cared. She also noticed he didn't shave. She wasn't at all surprised since he looked as though he was about to fall asleep standing up in the doorway.

"Here's your toast. Eat it before it gets cold."

Slowly he shuffled his feet over to her. He felt lightheaded he was so tired; he felt as though he could pass out at anytime. His head suddenly felt too heavy for his shoulders.

_When did I get this tired? I don't think I've ever been this tired in my entire life._

When he sat on the bed, he reached for the plate that Alex had in her hand. Before he took a bite, he looked back up into her eyes.

"What?" She asked.

"I'm…sorry for all of this…" He said and set the toast down on the nightstand. What little appetite he had, he'd suddenly lost.

She shook her head. "You don't need to apologize. We can talk about it later if you like, ok? I promise. Right now you need to eat and then get some rest. You look like you're going to pass out on me anytime." She said and reached over him to the nightstand. She took one of the pieces of toast off the plate and handed it to him. He tilted his head to the side as if to exam it and then hesitantly took it from her.

Slowly but surely, after eating the two pieces of toast, Alex quickly put the plate in the kitchen sink and then scurried back to Bobby's room. When she came back, she noticed that his back was up against the headboard of the bed with his knees back in the same position as before. He was struggling to stay away. He was _forcing _himself to stay awake. Bobby was huddled in a ball and looked horrified and deeply disturbed. Her heart broke into a million pieces for him at that very moment. Alex wanted to be mad at him, especially when he went on that rogue mission as Ross put it. She also knew this wasn't the time nor the place to get angry with him, and as she looked at him further, she knew she didn't have the heart to scream or yell because the more she took Bobby in, the more she fell for him. She felt pure empathy for the man in front of her.

"Bobby, I'm back." She announced and made her way over to him. "Why don't you lie down and try and get some sleep. I'll stay here with you." And after she had spoken, Bobby looked up at her as if she was a specimen from a different planet. Bobby couldn't remember the last time someone had stayed with him, _for _him. He couldn't remember the last time someone took care of him. He'd been doing it ever since he was a child, so what made this time any different?

And then he remembered. He remembered who was with him.

_She won't leave me. I thought she would…I didn't think I'd ever see her again, but she's here…_

Satisfied that Alex was right by his side, he lied down and could only watch when Alex tucked him in. He looked a lot better than when she had first gotten to his apartment, so that gave Alex some hope. She was worried about him not sleeping as well as the hallucinations and nightmares he was having.

_He won't even leave his room?_ She asked herself.

When Bobby put his head down on the pillow, she murmured a soft 'goodnight,' and then turned to walk out of the room when Bobby shot straight up out of bed.

"Alex!" He shrieked, his cries practically shaking the walls of his apartment.

Alex instantly turned around to see a panicked Bobby flying out of bed.

"Bobby, what's wrong?" She asked almost frantically. She tried to control her tone and take control of the situation because she knew she needed to be strong for him.

"Don't! I…I mean you…you can't…" He stuttered. "You can't…leave. Please, don't leave me."

"Oh, Bobby, I wasn't going to leave you. I was just going to go out on the couch…"

She was unable to finish her sentence before Bobby screamed, "No!" and practically jumped out of bed and towards her.

Without delay, Alex went over to him and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Bobby…"

"Please." He swallowed hard. "Please stay in…in here…with me. Please." He begged and pleaded with her. Bobby Goren _never _begged, but he was making an exception for this occasion.

_He doesn't want to be alone. I can't blame him._

Alex could feel the bed move as a tremor shot straight through him.

"Ok, Bobby. I just…I didn't know if you wanted me to…or not." She admitted.

"I do." He quickly told her and then said, "It's ok…" The last two words were said only for her, to calm her, and it worked.

"Ok, Bobby." She murmured and briefly stroked the curls around his temple. "Lie back down…I'll stay in here." And he willingly did.

As she rounded the bed, Bobby never took his eyes off of her. He followed her every move as she sat down on the other side of the bed. She looked back at him once before lying down and saw his pleading eyes. When she lied down she heard him whispered, 'thank you.'

Within minutes, he had passed out from sheer exhaustion. It had been way too long since he had slept and his body had completely shut down on him.

Alex slid underneath the covers and lied on her left side. She scooted over closer to him and gently placed her right hand on his arm to give him a feeling of security and to let him know that someone was with him. She wouldn't allow herself the thought that she needed his comfort as well or that just lying here next to him helped her. It did though. It helped her realize that he was still here with her. She hoped that maybe _her _nightmares would cease.

As she allowed herself to think a little deeper into their current position, she realized how good it felt. She was afraid it would be awkward between them, but it was anything but. She felt herself snuggle into him a little further and then sigh.

She fell asleep not long after.

**A/N: First off, Merry Christmas to you all! I thought I'd post this before I go to bed even thought its 2:30AM here…and snowing again! Yay for snow! LOL **

**So what do you guys think so far? The next chapter should be the last and not as long as this one. Uhm, this chapter was a little bit more shippy than I had originally planned, but I don't think it's too bad still. Thanks for the reviews.**

**-Snyder-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

**Special Thanks To:** bammi1, chlark4, cifan, Darin's-Sis, judeey, rindy713, shadow375, tigerdragonbrand, Tracey Claybon and x8x Krazee Benson Fan x8x.

**CHAPTER: 3**

"10, 9, 8…" He groaned and shifted slightly.

Alex awoke almost instantly after feeling him move next to her. She held her breath and listened to what he was saying. She had to lean in, but she heard him loud and clear. He was counting backwards from 10.

_What the hell is he counting for? Did he do that at Tates?_

He started again, only louder.

"10, 9, 8…" He lightly turned in bed.

_Why is he starting over? Why isn't he finishing? 7, Bobby, 7…_

It was then that he started to scream, pulling Alex out of her thoughts.

"No!!!"

"Bobby." Alex whispered, deciding to finally make her presence known. She placed the hand that had fallen away during their sleep back on his arm.

They were asleep less than an hour.

"Please stop. I'll take the pills! Just get me out of here! No!!!"

_No wonder he's afraid to sleep_…

"Bobby!" Alex said with a little more force, this time successfully waking him up. He shot straight up into a sitting position and Alex instantaneously mirrored his actions.

Bobby was unaware of Alex's presence or her shouting his name. He'd completely forgotten that someone was beside him and his eyes widened with fear as he recalled back to the nightmare that had overcome him.

_Nightmares. _

It was the one thing he could never get used to no matter how hard he tried. He looked directly in front of him in a state of panic. He tried to calm his breathing, but he knew it was only a matter of time until the next memory stripped him of his sanity and ripped out his being once and for all. He started to shake as the cool sweat poured off his body and then froze when he felt a hand lightly touch his arm. He quickly turned his head in the direction of the touch and was amazed at who was with him.

_Alex._

Alex inhaled quickly because of the look in his eyes. _Fear. _His looked tugged at her heart even more and what made it even worse was that he was crying. When she finally gathered herself, she spoke softly and reassuringly.

"I'm here, Bobby. It's just me and you. No one will ever hurt you again. I promise." She said and reached up with her left hand to stroke the side of his face. She could see the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.

"Al—Alex?" He asked surprised.

Before Alex could even nod a head, she found herself in a tight hug with Bobby. Immediately after saying her name, he swiftly turned his body 90 degrees and reached for her. He practically lunged himself forward, towards her, and at first it surprised Alex and then not so much. She knew what he needed.

_Comfort._

Bobby's large, lengthy arms easily wrapped around Alex's petite waist. He buried his head in her chest and held onto her for dear life. He gripped onto her so tightly that it looked as though, if he let go, he'd fall. He'd fall so hard that he'd never be able to get back. He shook at the thought and Alex felt as though his tremors coursed directly through him and into her.

Alex wrapped her arms around him as much as she could and whispered into his ear soft reassurances. She couldn't believe how hard this had been on him and what it had done to him. She could only recall one time where see's seen Bobby so broken. It was during their time dealing with Nicole Wallace, but his tough façade was never as broken as it was now. Not even Nicole Wallace could do what Tates was currently doing to him. She thought Bobby would handle it like any other thing that came his way, but he definitely wasn't and she was glad she was there to help him through this. She was pleased that she made the right decision to go over to his apartment when she did.

After what seemed liked an eternity, Alex finally spoke.

"Talk to me, Bobby. You have to get it out. You have to talk to someone and you know you can trust me."

After a few minutes passed, Bobby finally gathered up the courage to speak. He was timid in his words, but he got them out nonetheless.

"I can't…I just can't get these…these thoughts out of my head. I thought I had…had turned into my mom…my schizophrenic mother…and I…I hated myself because of that. I thought I'd…I'd lost it once and for all. The guards…all the medication they…they had me on…I just…I couldn't even think straight. I was a…a zombie. I…I don't like being strapped down…I never want to feel that…that helpless ever again…that vulnerable. No matter how much I resisted…it didn't help. And I was…I was so thirsty, Eames. After…it had to have been at least twelve hours…but they finally took me…they got me out of 'Heaven,' the guards did. I…I could barely move…or walk. They took me back to my cell…I thought they were finally going to leave me alone…I was in this state…like a drug induced state. I can't describe it…I was so out of it. And then, they came back. They took me back to that place_…'heaven_._'_ I didn't want to go back, I tried to resist, but I was so…so weak. They had to practically carry me. I don't…I don't know how long I was in there for the second time. I lost track of time…of everything. I…I thought for sure I was going to die in there. And…and after a while…I just…I gave up. I…I lost all hope. I just accepted my fate. I…I accepted the fact that I was going to die in there…and there was…there was nothing I could do about it. There was no one in there to help me…to get me out of there…and it made me realize how much I actually…how much I depend on you. How many times you…you've covered for me. I was so…so alone, so lost. I couldn't stop thinking just one more time, just one more time I wanted to…to call you…to talk to you and to…to hear your voice. I…I kept thinking how much I wanted to…to apologize. To tell you I was sorry. I…I'm sorry, Alex, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…" And that's when he completely broke down. His crying seemed to rattle the whole building. Alex had never seen Bobby, let alone anyone cry as hard as he did.

Alex didn't interrupt his sobs of sorrow. She let him get it out because she knew he had no one else to confide in. She didn't feel obligated to stay with him, but she _wanted _to. As he continued to cry, Alex's mind replayed back what he had just told her.

_Oh god, that's Bobby's worst fear, turning into his mother. He thought he had become her? And how helpless he must've felt when he was strapped down. The way he described it…I wonder if that has something to do with his counting? I couldn't ever imagine being strapped down for that long…and survive. What this man went through, I'll never truly know for sure, but I admire him even more for coming out alive. He was so alone in there, how alone he must've truly felt, but he's not alone anymore. I'll never leave him. The way he described it and…and he thought he was going to die in there? He just…gave up? Bobby Goren doesn't give up. And, wait, he was sorry? He's…sorry? He didn't realize how much he depended on me? He's…sorry. Oh god, what he must've gone through in there…and for him to just accept that he'd die in there…it must've been hell. Oh god, why couldn't I have gotten to him sooner? What if I didn't get him out of there when I did?_

But Alex knew not to play the 'what if' game with her inner self. She knew nothing good would come of it.

When Bobby's tears finally suppressed into small whimpers, she began to speak once more.

"Bobby, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're so kind and gentle and for you to have to go through that…" She stopped and found herself hugging him tighter. "I know it's not enough, but I don't know what else to say. I'll never truly know what it was like for you in there, but I can tell you one thing, you are _nothing _like your mother. I don't care what the psychiatrist at Tates said. You are _not _schizophrenic by any means, do you hear me?" She felt him nod. "Bobby, look at all you've gone through your entire life_…_and you've overcome it all. You've overcome the odds. I don't know how you did it, Bobby, but you did and I admire you for it. You're such a strong person and I can only hope that you'll trust me enough to help you through the rest. As far as apologizing, what did you want to apologize for, Bobby? You have nothing to be sorry for."

And Alex felt him shake his head against her almost immediately and then pull out of her arms. She could tell he was getting agitated as he struggled to find the right words. He looked as if he needed to get up and start pacing around the room like he did almost everyday in the squad room, so she patiently sat still and waited for him to gather his words. She knew he was still processing everything she had just said to him because the truth was, so was she.

"For…everything." He sadly admitted, suddenly finding his lap very interesting. "I'm sorry for everything." He whispered and finally made eye contact with her. "For all the pain I've caused you over the years. For everything you've had to put up with. And now…now you have a mark on your jacket…because of me. I never…I never meant for that…for you to get involved. I never meant for that to happen to you. I just wanted to…to help my…" And he stopped. There was no need to explain. She knew what he was trying to say.

_He wanted to help Donny._

"Bobby, Bobby, listen to me." She said and reached up to run her hand through his still-damp hair. "I'm glad I _did_ get involved. I don't know what would've happened to you if I didn't…" And she paused to curse herself for bringing it up. This was the big 'what if' that was killing her.

"If you hadn't showed up." He finished for her. He knew what she wanted to say, because he too had thought about it. "I know." He whispered. "Did I ever thank you, Alex?" He asked and then said, "Thank you. Thank you for getting me out of there. I can never begin to tell you how much…" He began but never finished.

Bobby started to tear up again and Alex couldn't help but wrap both her arms around him. His arms immediately went back to her waist. She took him into her arms again and slowly leaned back until they were lying down in bed. She knew he could hardly hold himself up. He was still so tired and had much sleep to catch up on, so she brought him back with her on the bed and held onto him for dear life.

There was nothing in the entire world that could pry them apart at this moment in time.

Getting comfortable, Alex lied on her left side while Bobby lied on his right. They separated for only a split second, but Alex pulled him against her as much as possible as soon as they both hit the bed. He couldn't help but bury his head into the nape of her neck. His left arm wrapped around her back while his right was tucked in between them. Alex grabbed his right hand that was tucked in between them with her left hand and held onto it while she draped her right arm over him to give him a sense of safety and security. She willingly held him and wished that she could take away his pain, if only for a night.

Bobby couldn't remember the last time someone had held him and he felt himself shake in response.

__

God, she really does care about me. And she thinks I'm…kind and…gentle? She admires me and thinks I'm a strong person? What did I ever do to deserve her? I don't ever want to let her go…and she wants to help me through it. God I hope she's able to. If anyone can, it's her.

When she heard him sigh she whispered, "Its ok, Bobby. I'll be ok. I promise."

"I just…I wish I could erase these memories. I just…I can't. I…I'm so off, so gone…" He admitted. _Here it goes. _He then mumbled, "Please save me."

_You're the only one that can._

And those three words were the ones that did it for Alex. She too began to silently cry. After a few minutes, Bobby felt a wetness on the side of his face. He pulled back slightly, knowing full well that it didn't come from him.

He looked at her in horror, knowing he was the cause of her pain and instantly started to apologize. "I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" He began and pulled away.

"No, Bobby." She reached for him and pulled him back to her. "It's ok. Don't you start apologizing. You did nothing wrong. I just…I'm grateful that you're ok."

He looked up at her briefly and then let her pull him to her. He then frowned. He never thought what this might've done to her.

He murmured, "Me too," and then fully snuggled back into her once more.

He sighed deeply and fought off the tremble that his body was producing. After so many years of being alone, he loved the comfort he now felt. There was utter silence for a few minutes until Bobby's voice was heard.

"Never leave me?" He pleaded with her and silently prayed. He was seeking what he had sought after for so long: love and comfort. He needed Alex and whether they both knew it or not, she needed him too.

Alex didn't know if he was asking her to never leave his side, as friends and partners, or to never leave his side as in, never leave his home. No matter which one he was talking about, however, she knew she never would.

"Never." She replied back.

Alex craved the same affection and comfort from the man cradled in her arms that she never dared to ask of him before. Truth was, just being with him comforted her. To know that he was ok physically made her deeply sigh. She knew he'd need to see a shrink, she knew his job was up in the air, she knew his whole life was in shambles, but he was alive and well for the most part, and for that, she was thankful.

Everything else could be dealt with later because right now, all she needed was him. And truth be told, all he ever needed was her.

**A/N: (Snorts) I've been editing this since 11PM on Sunday and it is now 7:50AM on Monday. I'm pretty sure I have no life...or something. This chapter has been driving me nuts and I keep adding things, moving things around, etc. **

**So yikes! I planned to finish this a couple days ago but I was flooded with Christmas parties all weekend (Yeah, I know, and Christmas has been over for days!). **

**So, how did you guys like it? Not too bad, eh? I actually didn't plan it to end like that…it just sort of happened. I'm actually not sure if I like the ending. Yeah, shippy again, but too bad I decided. I just can't help where my mind takes me and someone told me to **_**never **_**apologize for writing BA fics. She knows who she is. LOL**

**Let me know if you're satisfied with the ending. There was a lot more I wanted to write in this, a longer discussion between them in the morning perhaps, but I said I'd keep it short, so I did. I was thinking about doing a sequel, it would be pretty easy to, but I'm not sure. I guess it all depends on you guys. If I did do a sequel, it would definitely turn into a pure ship story. LOL I'd probably try and keep it about the same length as well.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading. Please R&R.**

**Until My Next Fic,  
-Snyder-**


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